


The Last Hurrah Before I Completely Shut Down

by Calamityjim



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Mania, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:14:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22723756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calamityjim/pseuds/Calamityjim
Summary: Tim's been acting...off
Comments: 24
Kudos: 401





	The Last Hurrah Before I Completely Shut Down

**Author's Note:**

> Titled after this vine because mood
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJJa9X-mohU

“How long have you been up?” Dick asked Tim suspiciously. 

Tim hummed as an answer. Hours? Days? He didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if he never slept again. He was buzzing, his brain making connections as fast as it was conjuring questions. He’d closed two of his cases, figured out one of the Teen Titans’, and was currently helping Dick solve his own. 

He was practically glowing with pent up energy and he knew that sleep would ruin everything. He’d fall off track and he’d waste time and it would just make a mess. 

Besides, he really wasn’t tired. 

But he needed to move. He’d been sitting still since Dick walked into the room and his hands were twitching. 

So he grabbed a bag of chips, tore it open and started to pace as he munched. 

“I think they’re using the sewers to transport the drugs.” KIller Croc had escaped Arkham a few weeks ago, so they must have been bribing him. They were probably going around collecting free kittens. “Gross, but cheaper than steak.”

Dick frowned at him. “If you don’t like the chips why are you eating them?”  
  


Tim frowned back. “The chips are fucking delicious.” Novelty flavor of avocado and lime. He’d bought twenty bags and had already worked through five. And two milkshakes. The milkshakes had helped protect his mouth from the salt. Man, he was hungry.

  
  
He grabbed a fistful of chips and stuffed them into his mouth. 

  
Dick tilted his head, looking bewildered. “You said something was gross, but cheaper than steak?” 

  
“The kittens they are feeding Killer Croc.” Maybe Dick needed to sleep, if he was having this much trouble following Tim. 

“I thought Killer Croc was in Arkham.”

For God’s sake, Dick. Tim hated repeating himself. 

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Tim leaned over the report, fighting back tears. Bruce clapped a hand on his shoulder and frowned intently. He probably hated Tim. Tim hated Tim. God, why was he just so fucking stupid. 

“It’s okay, Tim. Everyone makes mistakes.”

  
  
It wasn’t! And not everyone’s mistakes lost millions of dollars.

Tim sniffled. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” He remembered signing everything. He remembered being so sure that this was the best investment ever, but even as he looked back over the paperwork he could see how risky it was, how goddamn stupid. There was no way he had been going to get anything back on this. 

How did this happen?

  
  
“You were just having an off day.”

Why was Tim so fucking stupid?

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The chips were fucking disgusting. Avocado and lime? That was gross and he had like seven bags just lying around. He should throw them out, but they were the only food he had in the house. He could go get more, but that would involve getting out of bed. Even getting the chips would involve getting out of bed.

  
  
Tim wasn’t that hungry. 

X-x-x-x-x-x-x

“Hey, Jason!” Tim grinned, grabbing the older boy’s arm. 

“Hey, wha-” Jason tried to shake off Tim’s grip, but Tim didn’t let go because Jason needed to come with him. “What the fuck, Replacement?” 

“We’re going on an adventure!” Tim pumped his fist dramatically, trying to get Jason in the mood. 

Instead, Jason just frowned suspiciously. “Do we need anything from the cave?”

What? That wasn’t an adventure! That was work. “This is play!” Tim grinned as Jason’s footsteps became less reluctant and he was being followed instead of dragging Jason along. He didn’t let go until they made it to the garage and Tim went to his Audi. He opened his side and gave Jason a cheeky grin when he noticed that Jason was watching the door suspiciously. 

  
“Get in loser, we’re going shopping!”

Jason got in but he didn’t lose his tense edge. That was okay. He was probably just focused!

Tim pulled out of the garage with practiced ease and twisted the car around. “Um, Tim?” Jason asked as they travelled down the road. “Might wanna slow down there.”

  
  
Tim laughed. “It’s fine, Jason. I’m a Robin. I can drive a car.”

Jason snorted. “I don’t think the police will like that answer when they pull you over for speeding.”

“I’m not going that fast!”

Jason raised both eyebrows. “You’re like twenty miles over the speed limit. Fucking slow down.”

Tim scoffed but looked down at the speedometer. 

Well. 

It did say he was going a little fast. But still Jason needed to fucking chill. Tim was taking him on an adventure. There was no need for him to be a pissy baby about it. 

Jason looked at Tim suspiciously, like he didn’t trust Tim. Tim had been Robin. Jason had been Robin. Jason should trust Tim implicitly at this point. “So, Replacement, you said an adventure. What are we doing?”

‘Chips!” Tim chirped. 

Jason blinked. “What?”

  
  
“We’re getting potato chips! The import store has cesar salad chips imported from Canada. Limited edition and they only got so many in. We’re gonna go buy them and then we are going to eat them and all shall tremble in the wake of our victory!” 

  
Jason frowned at Tim and Tim frowned back. He didn’t understand why Jason wasn’t excited. Potato chips were amazing. 

“Slow down, Replacement.”

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

There were no chips left.

They were all gone. 

“Well, that sucks,” Jason said and Tim could feel his guts churn.

  
  
“This is you fault!” Tim hissed.

Jason scoffed. “My fault?” 

Yeah! Tim turned to him so he was facing Jason squarely. “If you hadn’t kept making me slow down we could have been here in time and I could have bought some fucking chips!”

Jason crossed his arms and looked down at Tim, his eyes burning. “I don’t think being wrapped around a tree would have helped us out any. Besides, can’t you just order them online?”

  
  
No! They were on an adventure! They were supposed to win! Fuck you, Jason. He could walk home for all Tim cared. Tim spun and stomped to the exit.

  
  
“Hey!” Jason called. “Wait for me!”

“I already said you can walk home!” Tim snapped. Fuck Jason for making him repeat himself.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Bruce pinched his eyes as he hung up the phone. He’d had children for years. He’d started with Dick. He knew children could be demanding and eccentric, that there were time’s they’d test his patience, but he’d never expect Jason to call to tell him that Tim had abandoned him over...potato chips? 

Jason had a safe house nearby and he was staying there until he felt less like killing Tim. Which was fair. Tim hadn’t done anything to him and he was still upset that the boy was risking the tentative peace they’d found with Jason over potato chips, of all forsaken things. 

The phone rang again and Bruce sighed before answering it, preparing himself for another scolding over how terrible he’d let Tim grow up to be. 

“Hey, Bruce!”

“Tim,” he answered cautiously. The boy didn’t sound upset. 

“I need a ride.”

  
  
What? But Tim was the one who had taken the car. “What happened?”  
  


He could almost hear the shrug. “I ran out of gas.”

  
  
Tim...what?

  
  
“Excuse me?”

“I. Ran. Out. Of. Gas.” Tim said, clearly annunciating each word with an annoyed huff. 

“How?” The word was out before Bruce thought about it. Tim hadn’t gone that far and Alfred was good about keeping all the cars at nearly full. 

“I went to fill up but I forgot to put the cap back on the tank. I think it all splashed out. Either way, I’m outta gas. Come get me!”

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It had been two weeks and Jason was still at his safe house. He was still ready to strangle his fucking Replacement. Like, sure, the kid was brilliant but by god was he getting eccentric in his old age and Jason was in no mood to play the game of catering to genius. Bruce may coddle Tim Drake and his fragile little ego but Jason was not apart of that. 

He heard a knock on the door. Probably Dick, sent by Bruce to beg Jason to come back. At least he bothered to knock instead of forcing his way through the window. Unusual, but maybe a sign that he could be taught to respect other people’s boundaries. 

Jason opened the door.

  
  
Well, fuck him sideways. 

Tim stood there. Jason took a deep breath in so he didn’t wrap his hands around the kid’s scrawny little neck. He took a step back and went to slam the door, but Tim slipped his arm past the frame, meaning if Jason tried he’d break bone. 

Little fucker. 

“I’m sorry!” Tim blurted. 

At least he sounded sincere. Jason opened the door again and let Tim into his apartment. Tim stepped inside, which was the first thing that Jason noticed was off. He wasn’t walking right. Instead of his usually high and mighty step, it was like he was trying to fold in on himself as though he could curl into a ball while moving. 

It was… concerning. 

The moment Jason finished relocking the door, Tim turned to him and exploded. “I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking and it was stupid and childish and I’m such a terrible brother and I understand that you hate me but I need you to know that I’m sorry.” Jason reared back, not prepared for this at all. “Bruce explained to me how fucking stupid I am and I know that I was just there to replace you until you came back and that no one wants me and that I’m the worst. I shouldn’t have abandoned you! What if something had happened? What if you’d died? I’m an awful person and I’m just so stupid!” Tim was sobbing as he spoke, his shoulders heaving as he hugged himself. 

For half a second Jason thought that it might have been one of Tim’s mindgames, but there was something too vulnerable about Tim right now. He couldn’t seem to look at Jason and he kept the silence filled with apologies and a rundown of Tim’s character flaws. 

It was nice to see that the kid knew on some level he wasn’t perfect, but he was starting to freak Jason out. 

“I’m sorry!” He sobbed again. “I shouldn’t have come here but I needed you to know. I promise I’m going to leave so I’ll never bother you again and then you can go to the Manor because I won’t be there so you can be! God, I’m so-”

  
  
Jason grabbed Tim by his arms, pulling the kid into his space. “What do you mean you ‘never bother me again’?” Jason asked firmly, pushing his own history with Tim aside to try and figure out what was going on because something was up. Something bad. 

Tim just shook his head. “It’s best this way,” he insisted, though Jason had no idea what ‘this way’ was. “I won’t bother anyone ever again.”

Fuck.

What the fuck? 

What the everliving actual fuck was going on?

  
  
Did Tim just promise to kill himself because he was an asshole over chips? What was going on? Fear gas? Tim was in his civies, but maybe he’d been hit a few nights ago. Something slow acting?

“Tim.” The kid shook in his grip, sobbing. “Tim, what happened when you went out on patrol?”

“Haven’t,” the boy said miserably. “I’m benched until you come home.”

What other options were there? Drugs? Would Mr Straight-Laced dip his fingers into that? An hour ago Jason would have said no way in hell, but he couldn’t have imagined this version of Tim in his living room. “What have you taken, Tim?”

Tim shook his head from side to side so vigorously his body rocked with it. “Nothing! I wasn’t going to do it like that!”

Okay. This was fucked up. This was beyond Jason. 

“I’m calling Bruce.”

  
  
“No!” Tim tried to pull out of Jason’s grip. “He already knows I’m useless. You don’t need to tell him! It’s better this way.” Tim slammed a hand out, trying to knock the phone away. Jason caught his arm and used his bulk to twist Tim into a sleeper hold. “No!” the boy screeched again.

Jason tightened his grip and didn’t release his hold until Tim slumped. 

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Bruce had run every test he could think of, screened Tim’s blood for every toxin, every drug, the Bat family had ever encountered. He scanned Tim’s brain for chips and implants. He checked for recreational drugs, for over the counter medication. He started to check hormone and vitamin levels, Tim’s glucose levels. Anything that would help explain what the hell was going on. 

He found nothing.

He was the goddamn Batman and he found nothing. 

He called Leslie. 

She told him that she wasn’t a psychiatrist, but she knew a few that she could recommend. She told him that they needed to bench Tim until they at least started to get this sorted. She told him that while bipolar was complicated, it was treatable. He hadn’t asked if it was his fault and she hadn’t told him it wasn’t. 

She told him Tim would be okay. 

Bruce hung up the phone and stared at his son. 

At the moment nothing felt okay.

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who can't tell, I'm bipolar. I made Tim a type 2 with pretty extreme rapid cycling, as the Bats gets exposed to so many substances it would make sense that that would be a problem. I was the same way when I was accidentally given antidepressants (which is a very big oops).
> 
> I might do a follow up fic about treatment, but probably not. I adhered pretty strictly to what my doctor told me instead of bouncing on and off my pills like most people with my diagnosis, so I don't have a lot of super interesting stuff there except discontinuation symptoms. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Comments are appreciated. If you have any questions about bipolar, while I am no doctor I can still try and answer.


End file.
